"Joseph, the baby isn't breathing." I look. She's a deep, dark blue. I take a breath. Calm the mind.

"The baby is allowed to die."

I get shivers whenever I say that. But in this moment, the baby is deep, dark blue and I am calm. Death is visiting us: Bless this death.

The baby takes a breath. She is relieved. Perhaps she just forgot? She is so new! She feels how good it is to breathe. We are born in ignorance and ignorance is pain. The first few weeks of Carmela's life, I learned what the yogis meant when they said, "Life is suffering." I brought a soul into the world of suffering. But awareness is the healer of that ignorance when she forgot to breathe.

As deep as my joy of bringing life to her is my struggle, every moment, to let go. I am relieved she came back to us.