Co-sleeping & Bed-sharing With Baby - Is It Safe?

Pictured above: Baby Noelle Katherine, our 7th child, at 5 weeks Ask your doctor before making any changes to your baby's sleep health & wellness plan. Friends always ask whenever we have a newborn, "How are you sleeping?".

"Great," we reply, and people often look a little bewildered. Despite having eight kids, we haven't experienced the bone-deep exhaustion many parents report in those early months.

Ayurveda & The Family: Tips for Balance

Benefits of Bed-Sharing

Bed-sharing gives the infant easy access for nursing. Babies are wired to follow the scent of mom's milk during the night to stay close, providing them with security and emotional comfort. Some babies simply will not fall asleep or stay asleep in a crib far away from mom.

Bed-sharing makes nursing on demand possible, which is important to keep up milk supply, and also creates natural child spacing.

Bed-sharing is how parents slept with babies for millennia. How bad could it be?

Risks of Bed-Sharing

Bed-sharing increases risk of suffocation for the infant, causing tragedy in .025% of infants - 25 in 100,000. However, the majority of these suffocation cases have alcohol and smoking involved. If your clothes have the smell of second hand smoke, or you recently had a cigarette or alcohol, do not share a bed with your infant. Without those factors, the risk is far lower.

Studies show that bed-sharing moms don't sleep as well as the infant wakes them up through the night. Part of this may be due to worry about suffocating the baby, or the infant waking the mother up frequently.

Does Co-sleeping Cause Loss of Intimacy Between Spouses?

What about lack of intimacy between spouses? Does co-sleeping require a sacrifice? Fortunately not. There is no loss of intimacy (sexual or emotional). Simply move the baby to a pack-n-play in another room until parents are actually ready to sleep. Easy, right?

Co-sleeping: A Client's Perspective

Here's what a client said about her preference for co-sleeping, "Staying close is a great comfort to the baby and me when he or she is so little. I really like being able to easily monitor the baby throughout the night. Having the baby close makes night nursing much easier!

But I don't like how it disturbs my sleep. I am more tired when I co-sleep with a small baby, and I always have more dreams, which suggests I am waking up multiple times throughout the night.

So I have found a middle ground between co-sleeping, and crib sleeping. I let the baby sleep in a cradle next to the bed, where I can reach her without getting out of bed. Then, I sleep while she nurses at my side. After she unlatches, if I wake up, I move her back to the cradle.

I freely get the baby throughout the night as soon as the baby cries or shows any signs of needing to nurse.

When the baby is bed-sharing, it's important to make sure the baby is in a safe spot where there is no risk of falling off the bed and is not around any heavy bedding or pillows that could be possible suffocation hazards.

I've never had to bottle-feed a baby at night, but I know that is more taxing on mom and dad, and can lead to more sleep deprivation. If the parents are up multiple times throughout the night to make bottles, plan to go to bed early so you can preserve your sleep as much as possible!"

Co-sleeping Tips & Solutions

In my family, we prioritize quality of sleep of mom and infant as we believe this will produce better long term health outcomes. Exhausted parents do not parent as well, and get into car accidents, and fights.

In the first few weeks, for our family, it feels unnatural (maybe even traumatizing) to separate mom from baby. Are our instincts lying?

After the first few weeks, we notice mom and baby sleep better with a bit of distance.

A "co-sleeper" that attaches to the bed seems ideal so 1) mom doesn't have to worry about suffocating baby 2) Mom doesn't get disturbed by baby, 3) Baby isn't far away (which increases SIDS - it was called crib death for a reason), 4) Mom can still nurse easily.

Bed Time Routine: Putting the Baby to Sleep

My client relates, "It's helpful to get the baby accustomed to fall asleep in a crib at the beginning of the night, even in that very sleepy newborn stage. I've found that if the baby never learns to fall asleep in the crib or is only accustomed to falling asleep in mom's arms, it can be challenging to try to get them to fall asleep somewhere else later on when they are a toddler.

So, even if I co-sleep with the baby 95% of the night, my approach is this: I'll nurse the baby until he or she falls asleep, and then lay the baby down in the crib. Even if they only sleep there for 30 minutes at first, getting my baby used to sleeping in the crib has been a good strategy for me!"

Long Term Bed-Sharing

Many clients of mine have health problems that originate with kids and dogs sleeping in their bed long term (after 6 months).

After about 9 months, we move the baby into a separate room. At that point, no one is sleeping well — not mom, not dad, not baby. The baby actually sleeps better with some distance.

Sleeping in the bed is simply not an option then either. We've been woken up one too many times with a smelly diaper in our faces, by a crawler who naturally wants to be as close to us as possible.

In separate rooms, nursing on demand is no longer possible. Milk supply drops and fertility rises. Hence the 18-22 month separation between our kids.

Conclusion

Ultimately, every family finds its own rhythm. What worked for us may not be exactly what works for you. Some moms sleep more lightly than my wife, others sleep more deeply. Some babies can only rest when held close, while others do better with a little space.

Pay attention to your instincts, your health, and your baby's signals, and create a routine that helps everyone rest well, bond, and stay healthy. This is even easier when you know your baby's constitution.

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