Why Belonging is Important & How to Build Strong Community

CLINICAL AYURVEDIC REVIEW

To thrive, people need a stable community. A stable community will support you and provide a sense of belonging.

Unfortunately, I've met many people that lack strong community, who want strong community, but do not understand the roots that hold a community together.

Instead, many expect that community formation will be spontaneous. All you have to do is show up, right? And it is true, people do help one another, even strangers, because of their innate goodness.

But there is also an art to having strong community. Some communities truly are more supportive, stable, and enduring while others may be weaker, more ephemeral, and less supportive.

Community is like an ecosystem. If any person in the community drops out, it causes a shift in the entire community.

In unstable communities, the group is shifting constantly. In stable communities, there is less shifting.

So when you are seeking community, it makes a difference where you look.

So what makes a community stable, enduring and strong?

What is a Community?

A community is a group of people united & bonded in some way: 1) Neighbors are in a community by geography, 2) Schoolmates share a common short term goal of education, 3) Members of the bicycle club are united by a common hobby / interest, 4) Members of a church or political party are united by a common vision of the future, 5) A family is united by a common bloodline, 6) Coworkers are united in increasing profits for a company, etc.

The word community means with-unity. The prefix com means "with".

Some people don't like community. They want independence and freedom from the problems of dealing with people. Charles Ingalls, father and icon of the pioneer spirit, wanted to live far away from people, on a large plot of land.

Traveling through the Italian countryside, I saw a very different kind of spirit. Miles of farmland surrounding a tiny town. Nobody lived on the farms, everybody wanted to live together. Even in small towns, the buildings were several stories high, so people could get even closer.

And again, when I took a bus in Bangladesh I noticed something very peculiar - every time someone got on the bus, they would sit next to the previous person, instead of seeking a seat with plenty of space. These are cultures that value togetherness over independence.

Benefits of Community

Communities offer many benefits:

• Social Support - A sense of belonging & acceptance
• Protection - Help & support in times of need
• Shared mission & purpose
• Political and social influence
• Cultural enrichment
• Health - People in community live longer and have lower heart disease

In Genesis 2:18 the Lord God says, "It is not good for the man to be alone."

What Makes Community Strong?

Communities are only as strong as the tie that binds them. Some form stronger bonds and others weaker, according to how well they fulfill a person's deepest desires / needs. The greater the need, the stronger the bonds and community.

All of a person's actions are rooted and organized around their deepest needs & concerns, and this forms their identity, beliefs, politics, culture and community. Theologian Paul Tilich calls this deepest need "ultimate concern".

Whatever a person reveals as their deepest need also reveals what they believe will bring fulfillment - and this vision of fulfillment determines what they love. In fact, your ultimate concern reveals the god you truly worship.

Accordingly, strongly bonded communities are those organized around an ultimate concern. Such individuals have the same fears, the same loves, and share a common vision and outlook on life.

This explains why people who go to the same church, and have the same political beliefs, often have long lasting, mutually supporting friendships. These individuals feel like your tribe, the place you belong, and comfortable.

Conversely, those with opposing political or spiritual views can feel threatening.

People who are united around a hobby or common interest, such as cycling, will bond over their common love of cycling. However, only some individuals will choose cycling as their ultimate mission in life.

Many married couples will have a much stronger bond and common concern than bicycle buddies - that of raising well-adapted, mature children. Healthy marriages also provide emotional and economic support. Married individuals often share the deepest physical and/or emotional bond.

Individuals who belong to the same spiritual community and/or political party often share the deepest intellectual unity of mission and purpose.

To improve the strength of the bonds in your community, organize your friendships around ultimate concern.

Stability

In addition to the strength of the bond, some communities are more stable and others more ephemeral according to their level of commitment, investment, & characteristics that are harder to change.

You cannot change your family for example but you can change your hobbies and interests - from tennis to swimming for example. A colleague can change jobs but cannot easily change careers. A married person generally has a greater level of investment and commitment to a relationship than a person who is dating.

If you bond with a schoolmate over the challenges of a class, what will happen when the class is over, or you graduate? Will you still be friends?

To improve the strength of the stability in your community, build friendships with those who are deeply committed in their way of life.

Good Outcomes

Some communities have more stability because they lead to good outcomes, while others communities frequently cause failure to thrive.

Alcoholics who bond over drinking together harm their bodies, and this harm leads to instability in their community.

If you are having struggles in your marriage, and bond with others who complain about marriage, this could destabilize your marriage even further.

Instead, find uplifting individuals who will strengthen you. To improve stability in your community, organize friendships around healthy behaviors.

Evaluate each of these communities

Thus you can evaluate the stability of a community by assessing the 1) Strength of a community's shared concern, 2) Commitment level / Durability, 3) Good outcomes.

If you are trying to establish stability in your life, and enjoy the benefits community has to offer, consider evaluating the strength, stability and goodness of these communities below. Then extrapolate from these to find the lifestyle most suitable to you.

Please a Yes, No, Maybe to evaluate the stability of these communities.

	Shared Concern	Enduring	Reliable Outcomes
Dating
Marriage
Bicycle club
Activists at a political rally
Family, including extended family
Your neighbors
Colleague in a career
Members of a church
Person next to you in the grocery line
Life of exploration / travel
Traditional lifestyle
Experimental lifestyle
Drinking Buddies